I see Satan at least twice a month around these parts...
"While Foreign Terrorists were plotting to murder and maim using homemade bombs in Boston, Democrap officials in Washington DC, Albany and here were busy watching ME and other law abiding American Citizens who are gun owners and taxpayers, in an effort to blame the nation's lack of security on US so that they could have a political scapegoat."
When the INSANE are running the ASYLUM In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“How fortunate for those in power that people never think.” Adolph Hitler
When the INSANE are running the ASYLUM In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“How fortunate for those in power that people never think.” Adolph Hitler
"While Foreign Terrorists were plotting to murder and maim using homemade bombs in Boston, Democrap officials in Washington DC, Albany and here were busy watching ME and other law abiding American Citizens who are gun owners and taxpayers, in an effort to blame the nation's lack of security on US so that they could have a political scapegoat."
When the INSANE are running the ASYLUM In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. -- Friedrich Nietzsche
“How fortunate for those in power that people never think.” Adolph Hitler
First of all, the story that JoAnn posted was very moving. Thank you.
Ockham...wow...what can I say. I agree that this is what would happen...IF Santa was carrying his entire toy shipment with him at all times...but we all know that there very well could be stop off points where he could pick up additional toys...i.e. North Pole, NY. Also, we all know about Santa's helpers who work in the malls. I give you that Santa sends toys to all the areas of the world (in this country, they would be stored in toy stores, i.e. Toys 'R' Us or Kay-Bee and he can pick these up as he goes from a secret location on the roof of each mall, maybe by dropping a mailhook as he comes through.
Then, there's the suit. I know that Santa's suit is only in fashion for 1 person, Mr. Claus himself. Did you ever think that not only the Reindeer and the sleigh are magic, but the bag and the suit are too? This would have to be taken into consideration for the drag on the sleigh. If the toys magically appear in the bag at each stop, then you essentially eliminate the weight of the bag of toys. Then, there's the slimming job that the Santa suit does. The Santa suit includes many different items to help his burn off all those calories that he is eating (remember back a few years ago with this big things with the wide belts that boxers or whoever used to wrap around their bellies and turn on??? Bowl full of jelly??? Nah, he's got the rockin' belt inside that suit turned on... THAT'S what's rockin' that belly!
...Plus who says that Santa eats all the cookies? You think the reindeer only like the carrots and occassional celery with peanut butter that some kids put out for them? Get with the ages!
Okay - truth be known; when he tried to convince me that there was no Santa, I punched my drill instructor in the nose (I don't remember much after that).
Well, got to be going. Err, the harness bells need their annual polishing...
First published in print: Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Readers of this page may or may not be shocked to learn that for several years now, Santa Claus has been under surveillance by the Department of Homeland Security.
To be sure, it's not entirely surprising that the government would have long had its eye on a guy who roams the world without a passport, tucks things like alcohol, tobacco and firearms in his luggage (frequently violating the 3 oz. rule on liquids), crosses the border routinely with a team of reindeer without submitting them for quarantine, and has been known to communicate with untold numbers of foreigners. In short, the very profile of a terrorist.
Santa's file, obtained by the Times Union's crack investigative team through a Freedom of Information Act request, came heavily redacted, because the investigation, we're told, is ongoing.
Still, there were some uncensored snippets of correspondence Mr. Claus has had with various public officials, personalities, and even corporate entities, which we share with you herewith.
Dear Governor Paterson: Your Health Department's estimate of my soda consumption is pretty accurate, but, no, you can't have all my nickel deposits up front this year. I will, however, look into your request that the folks at Saturday Night Live receive sensitivity training.
Dear Attorney General Cuomo: Yes, you can have a copy of Santa's naughty list, and the new EZ-Indict software. For future reference, letters to Santa do not need to be in subpoena format.
Dear Mr./Ms. ____ (this was apparently a form letter to financial CEOs): I'm sorry your earlier letter to Santa got lost in the mail. But as I understand it, it mistakenly went to Congress, and things worked out after all.
Dear Mayor Jennings: Santa would love to give you a convention center, but they're on back order. Please find the enclosed rain check coupon for when they become available.
Dear Girvin & Ferlazzo (cc: numerous law firms, attorneys, doctors and possibly more): Thank you for the offer, but Santa doesn't require your professional services, and the workshop pension plan is open to employees only.
Dear GM (cc to Chrysler and Ford): Santa has decided you have everything you need: a land of abundant resources, an ample workforce ready to work hard, factories galore, and most of America rooting for you (even if they don't always say so). Tell you what: I'll give the American people pretty cheap gas for a little longer while you revise your business model and get that fleet fuel efficiency up. Also, on Item 4, thanks but Santa doesn't need an SUV. The reindeer are super efficient and low maintenance. Not zero emission, unfortunately, but two out of three ain't bad.
Dear Exxon-Mobil (cc to other oil companies): I gave you an early present with the off-shore drilling bill. And frankly, the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is a little close to home, you know? Plus, the polar bears beat to you to the request and specifically asked me if I could keep them from extinction a little longer.
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